Market Specials

Earnings are in season once again. Big winners include techs (AAPL, INTC), hospitals (HCA) and big oil (CVX). Americans, apparently, have every intention of continuing to drive around in their SUVs while gabbing on cell phones, and eventually having traffic accidents.

When choosing a good earnings report, look for plump revenue and firm cash flow that yields slightly to the touch. Beware of discoloration, obvious SEC probes, or earnings that may have died as the result of being stunned with tasers. Serve immediately with a zesty capitalist sauce. Hungry shareholders will thank you.