Pimp My Ride

If your blinged-out SUV just won't do the trick anymore, try upgrading to the Badonkadonk Tank. They're available today from Amazon.com for $20k, shipping and handling not included.

The 'Donk is perfect for everything - from defending the perimeter of your tribal homeland to picking up the kids at a soccer game. And it's got an armored shell to repel small-arms fire.

(Note to neurotic Ohio exurbanites who think the big city is mean and scary: Now you can dine downtown again! Between this and the conceal-and-carry law, you have no excuses.)