The Secret History of Mitt "Rasta" Romney

Mitt Romney recently announced that he would, if elected, donate his presidential salary to charity. Presidents make about $400k each year these days, but compared to Romney's own personal wealth - estimated to be as much as a quarter of a billion - the POTUS paycheck is basically chump change. And, as a Mormon of course, Mitt already gives 10% back to the church.

This guy is too much.

Romney is just a little too poised, and as much as I hate to say it, a little too "good" for his own good. Of course we want ethical, service-oriented people for public office, folks who can be trusted to look after the security and general welfare of the nation. Ideally this is also a personable character, somebody with whom you could (hypothetically) chat over beers and cheeseburgers at the neighborhood picnic.

And politicians are all cut from a certain cloth. You notice this when you meet them in person - often they seem to have an almost pathological need for approval. They do possess charisma, and often large egos - but ones that are easily bruised due to their strange addiction to soliciting the affection of their constituents. And they can come across as a little plastic and fake.

But Romney is too much.

The best thing that could happen to a guy would be some kind of minor scandal - some lurid flaw that is revealed. Ideally not something too awful. And maybe it could even be manufactured by the campaign itself, to add one ruffled edge to Romney's otherwise pristine moral appearance.

Here's my suggestion: Hire some operatives who are world-class experts in Photoshop image alterations. Find an old photograph of a group of Rastafarians, say, at a reggae sun splash in the late 1970s, hanging out backstage, for example. Make sure there is a haze of ganja smoke in the air, and visible paraphernalia. Then Photoshop an image of a young Mitt Romney, wearing sideburns and beady necklaces, into the background, with a slightly glazed expression.

Then, deliberately leak this to some reporter.

The press will go berserk - they have an almost pathological craving for the hypocrisy of any conservative. But since the scandal is more suggestive, and nothing too serious, I'm willing to bet that a carefully managed response from the Romney camp - acknowledging youthful indiscretions - will actually gain more supporters than are lost. The net result will be that the too-plastic, too-perfect, sorta-creepy Romney image is eradicated, and we'll feel like we have a real guy on our hands, one who might even get our vote.

Tags: Mitt Romney