Faith-Based Meteorology

The storm is supposed to be here tomorrow. As of this moment, just about every major news outlet disagrees on the type and extent of precipitation that this storm will entail. We might be socked under with nine inches of snow, or it might rain, or get a little icy. Or all of the above. Or none of the above.

(And yet our understanding of long-term climate change has attained a state of such pristine moral certainty that to merely continue to ask questions is to become equivalent to a denier of the Holocaust. And we are often being told this, without a twitch of irony, by extreme secularists who think folks who have spiritual faith are stupid. But ... I digress.)

So to celebrate this spirit of brainless panic - after work today I intend on visiting the local mega-supermarket. I will grab a cart and begin pushing it down the aisles at a running pace, while shrieking girlishly, throwing random products into the basket, and knocking down the elderly. After purchasing enough evaporated milk, sunflower seeds and canned yams to survive the next ice age I will then fishtail dangerously towards home where I will instruct the wife and children to huddle for warmth while I take position near the door with the family musket - for when polar bears and homeless rioters lay siege.

Or maybe I'll just scrape off the car and head to work tomorrow.