Arby's Will Be Defiled No Longer

For some unfathomable reason this region has seen a slew of robberies lately that take place at Arby's, the roast beef sandwich capital of the western world. A gun is raised by a masked intruder, curly fries are dropped in terror, and the cash drawer is ransacked - but not before patron and service associate alike are marched into the refrigeration vault, where they are left to shiver amidst the Jamocha shake mix for a few hours before the police arrive.

Now there's hope.

It seems that during the latest robbery, an employee got wise to the fact that the weapon looked fake. In a sudden burst of bravery she grabbed the gun - which turned out to be plastic - and the would-be burglar stole away into the cold morning in shame. Police aren't certain if the bandit is the same fellow who committed the previous 14 vile deeds, but we can hope the tide has begun to turn on this unholy reign of fear.