Olympics, Irony, and Apple Pie

When they haul out the "American mosaic" business in the schmaltzy NBC coverage - when they run through the biography of kids from Texas, Chicago, or New Hampshire and they make special notice of the fact that our Olympians look like Americans, which is to say, like people from anywhere in the world except probably stronger and better looking - this still gets me worked up with pride.

I know there's some manipulation at work. And I know there are cynics who will sneer if they detect patriotism, and take any opportunity to throw manure at any positive conception of our country. For them it's another chance to strike up the familiar litany of grievances about injustice, from Jefferson's slaves to the fake 1950s - with selfish corporations, hypocrisy, and the whole laundry list of negativism ticked off in tedious detail.

But the Olympics are simpler than politics. Our tribal affiliations are on display, certainly, as we parade into the stadium behind our standard. But it's impossible to miss how the countries of the world seem indisputably excited to see one another. The full flower of youth is in bloom in these waving athletes, and some useful common principles - fairness and competition - are on display for every culture to appreciate. (And, of course, there's always some totally smoking chick from central Europe to remind you of other universal values.)

So I'll say this, even while acknowledging the heavy "Team America" irony that lurks behind the honest sentiment: I hope the athletic performances are spectacular from every corner of the globe, but at the end of the day I hope United States kicks everybody's ass left, right, and sideways in an extremely good-natured and wholesome way - while scoring a few phone numbers and promising to see them again at the next full-scale military invasion.

And one final note on the opening ceremony - which the press kept describing as 'surreal'. It reminded me at times of a Terry Gilliam production. I remarked to my wife that I expected the Baron Von Munchausen to make an appearance, or a giant Monty Python foot to come down and squash some of the performers.