Itchy, Scratchy, and Kathy

Katherine Ellison from the Washington Post is positively outraged. She discovered her 6-year-old son watching an violent Internet cartoon, "Happy Tree Friends". This gruesome Flash-media animation is not for tots, and it's only a few mouse clicks away - so somebody must be held responsible.

But first Kathy must establish credentials as an eminently reasonable Blue-stater. She need us to know she lives in the correct cultural zip code - the "liberal bastion of Marin county". Then she suggests she "would readily skip my next yoga class to march with right-wing fundamentalists" to protest the cartoon. The tacit message is that even though she's about to dish some culture critique she isn't some moralizing Neanderthal, you know. Violence isn't about right or wrong. It's about behavioral conditioning, especially boys, who could become de-sensitized. Ellis taps an academic, who turns in an obligatory quote about the danger of creating neural pathways that accept cartoonish images of squirrels impaled on spikes.

So how do we protect the children?

Can we hold the creators of the cartoon responsible? Not without censorship, which runs right against the First Amendment. Are parents responsible? This isn't the question either. Even if she has time to look over her son's shoulder while he surfs the Internet, others do not. Responsible parenting is neatly dismissed as a "luxury of moms with time to meddle". It's all about "getting support from society" for parents who can't be bothered with parenting.

So - bearing in mind the political bent of the plaintiff in this cultural tizzy - can you guess who we should hold accountable?

Did you guess corporations? Good for you! Yep, the profit motive is responsible for filth on the Internet. It's those clickable banners around the cartoon image that provide the means to desensitize youngsters. Never mind that Toyota likely had no idea about "Happy Tree Friends" when they purchased a block of coverage for their web advertisements. By golly if somebody's phone is going to ring on Monday morning it's going to be the unfortunate VP who didn't demand scrutiny of the marketing algorithm that calculates product exposure.

Parenting happens in the trenches, in the everyday moments, with many over-the-shoulder looks. When Ms. Ellison's 6-year-old was discovered watching the offensive cartoon - and looked sheepish - the system was almost working. When it was further uncovered that "Happy Tree Friends" was recommended by the 9-year-old brother the plan becomes clear: Remind the younger son that he knows better - appealing to his better nature. Second, deliver a stern admonishment of the older son within earshot of the younger one, followed by unpleasant consequences - no Internet for a month. The charges here are extremely poor judgment and failure of fraternal responsibility.

You might think it's rude of me to lecture this woman on parenting. Maybe. But I think it's rude of her to lecture everybody else about culture, commerce, and free expression.