Clippage Infestation Mystique

As the only male of the household – with girls 6 and 10, and of course the missus – I am aware that many concessions will be made along the lines of gender. Although my Y chromosome does offer many unique abilities (such as the ability to stack a dishwasher with more than seven items) I am in the minority.

But you know what I don’t get? The hairclips.

Now I understand the overall necessity of these items. When the hair is long it becomes difficult to take a math test or kick a soccer ball or drive a car without some kind of instrument to keep hair away from the face, where it might obstruct the field of vision. And I know hairclips save styling time on busy days. And, like many things, this utilitarian purpose also offers an opportunity to adorn the feminine self with complementary colors, shiny baubles, and shapes. Or a funny plastic Spongebob clip, in the event you are 6.

What baffles me is how these hairclips seem to be everywhere – on every table, desk and bookshelf – under lamps, all over the kitchen, and sprinkled across the carpet. No amount of hair - no unruly, untamed locks - seem to require the sheer volume of hair clippage that infests my house. And I know the little girls are very careless, leaving personal items wherever they please despite our stern reproaches. But that still can’t explain it. I wonder at times if there isn’t a Hairclip Fairy who puffs into existence at night and flutters around the house crapping out hair care products everywhere. He squats, snickers, and – tic, tic – two more brightly-colored clips are deposited on the table; or they are left on the floor in the hallway, where Dad will step on them and start barking colorful language at 6AM.