spacetropic

saturnine, center-right, sometimes neighborly

May 19, 2005

Confessions of a Former Jedi

The day I stopped being a little kid happened when I was in fourth grade. It was 1980 and The Empire Strikes Back was in theaters. I was in my room pretending to wield a lightsaber, and making that 'zhusss' sound as I flailed around fighting that battle on the catwalk in Cloud City over again, this time to win. I was in the zone.

Then I noticed my mother in the hallway. She had paused for a few seconds to watch me through the doorway. I can't recall the exact expression her face. I don't think it was disapproving. But the fact that somebody had been looking at me as I had reenacted this scene with so much intensity made me deeply self-conscious. I recall standing still in the middle of my room for a few minutes, unsure of what to do next.

So childhood ends in the smallest moments. I don't think I ever played so avidly with my imagination after that - at least not in a physical way. Now I watch my nine-year-old daughter skipping and loping as we walk though the grocery store, a flibbering fourth grader herself devoid of any nervous self-awareness. Soon enough she will be like the junior high school girls I see at her school - arms crossed, shoulders slumped, and often never showing their teeth in pictures because of the braces.

This Star Wars coverage has me thinking of all of this. At least I can be thankful I'm not now one of those grown ups that wait in line dressed in character. And my lightsaber moment happened when I was 9 years old, not 15, and in such a way that it got all over the Internet.

NOTE: My earlier post on Star Wars and mythology is included in the Carnival of the Force on A Small Victory. Go check it out.

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