Albuquerque Alternative

Would there be any sympathy if the groom went AWOL on the eve of the wedding? If he just became overwhelmed with all of the planning and expectations and flower arrangements? But people are making excuses for Jennifer Wilbanks, for reasons I cannot fathom.

Many women have imagined, in advance, an opulent, overindulgent fantasy that involves dozens of bridesmaids, champagne waterfalls, orchestras, flowery trellises, and stars that re-arrange themselves in the heavens to spell out the happy couple's name. If they consider the marriage which is theoretically to follow, it may be seen as delightful footnote to the ceremony. They will acknowledge that an adult male will likely be necessary, and that he should possess positive traits.

These are often intelligent people, who become activated - as if with a pre-programmed code, like the Manchurian Candidate - when the idea of a wedding presents itself during those stressful 20s or 30s.

My intended and I are currently planning a wedding. We do want a memorable day for family and friends - with flowers, pictures, cake and music. Due to the second-time nature of the proceedings, it's true, we are a little more worldly-wise, and things are scaled back. Rumors to the contrary, we're not going to be picked up outside the church in a white zeppelin draped with flowers and piloted by an amusing midget. And I'm sorry to announce the Tibetan monk choir has been nixed from the program.

We both know the vows are important - and how they are lived each day thereafter. It's strange, unexpected, and a little alarming, but the truth is, we're looking forward to the marriage. But there I go once again with my old-fashioned ideas.