Steely-Eyed Councilmen

Once I owned a car that would overheat after 45 minutes. Costly repairs or a new ride were not in the cards, so I became an expert at planning short trips. A little unexpected traffic would cause the needle to creep up, and eventually steam to rise from under the hood.

One day I locked my keys in the car with the engine running. I was parked in a downtown garage. The local security guard, an ancient elf-like man, did not have a way to unlock the door. But after I told him about the engine, he solemnly handed me a giant steel wrench.

"Son, I can't do the honors. But I can suggest them smaller windows in the back. Cost less to replace." A few minutes later there was glass everywhere, and the engine was off.

A heavyset businesswoman materialized next to me. "Oh my Gawd, what happened?! They broke your window!" Before I could explain, she continued. "I can't believe they're down here too!" Color was rising in her cheeks, and she ran off, short of breath.

When I hear the story of (local city councilman) Jim Tarbell's victorious encounter with petty criminals, I am pleased. Not everyone can (or should) stand up to a kid with a knife. But criminals are only part of the problem. We also have far too many hyper-reactive ninnies who respond to urban life with fear, flight, and paranoia.